Friday, January 13, 2012
Me or labels?
Have I been me, or have I been trying to live the labels placed on me by others? I know when I was originally diagnosed I wasn't in a good way and since then I've had a number of very rough periods.
But would they have been so bad if I hadn't blindly accepted that I was what people said I was? Would I have done what I've done if I hadn't been labelled with a 'mental illness'? I have actually done more 'living' in the last 12 months than in the previous 10 years. Yet I've been given labels even worse than I had previously.
Is that because of the new medication & counselling I'm getting or because I have begun, even subconsciously, questioning what I am? Or a combination of both?
Additionally, there is the question of 'ownership' of my past actions. It has never sat well with me when my current counsellor tells me that I am not responsible for what I've done, it's the illness, & that I need to separate my actions from who I am. But I've always felt that perhaps the illness did contribute to the results of the action, but it was me who made the initial decision to act in the first place.
Labels & ownership of actions/thoughts, these are 2 areas I think I will need to consider carefully in the coming weeks.