Supporting a friend with a mental illness.

The daughter of a Facebook friend of mine posted a fantastic little piece on supporting someone close to you who has a mental illness. While it specifies depression and anxiety, what it says covers so much more. I just thought I would share it here.

Take care, stay safe.

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Dandelions & Bad Hair Days: Now on Kindle

Dandelions and Bad Hair Days, a collection of poetry and prose edited by Suzie Grogan, has been mentioned here several times in the past. Released in October 2012, the book is finally available on Kindle from Amazon.

For those who don't know, the book is a collection of pieces written by sufferers of various mental illnesses. I am lucky enough to have two contributions in the book, a copy of a guest post I did for Suzie's No More Wriggling Out of Writing site & a poem, 'Loneliness', which Suzie found in my Scribd collection.

The book is a look at the world as seen by those that live each day with mental illness. It's not just a book for other sufferers, but for carers, friends, family & the community. It may help people understand our daily struggles better.

Additionally all profits from the sale of both the paperback & digital versions of the book go to SANE UK & other nominated charities. So by purchasing the book, you not only get a great read, but are supporting mental health charities.

I hope you will take the time to spend a few dollars for a good cause and some enjoyable, insightful reading.

Take care
Mark 

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Dreams, Nightmares & Screamscapes...

I have dreams & nightmares, everyone does. But 99.9% of the time I can't remember them on waking and the rest fade from memory in minutes. I think often it's a good way to be, you forget the good ones but also no memory of the bad.

But this morning was different. For the first time ever I awoke shaking & physically ill because of a, to me, very distressing dream. And I have to admit I have no idea how to deal with it or what to think of it.

The subject of the dream touched very heavily on my past, something that devastated my life, even as a toddler. It took the event, twisted it & expanded it to a very disturbing degree. And now I just can't shake it.

So I'm opening this up to ideas, thoughts, stories & suggestions. If you have ever had dreams or nightmares that have shaken you to the core, how do you deal with them? How have you coped with the mental anguish they can cause?

I really am all at sea with this one.

Take care until next time.

Mark.

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Small Irish Poll Shows Depth of Stigma.

An article by Paul Gilligan (CEO, St Patrick's University Hospital) published in the Irish newspaper Sunday Independent has highlighted how bad stigma can be and that it is costing lives. The stigma surrounding mental illness makes people reluctant to discuss their problems and they often feel they cannot seek help.

A small poll of 300 people at St Patrick's University Hospital in Dublin produced some shocking results, even for those used to seeing how bad stigma can be. The poll showed that:

• 20% of people believe that those suffering mental health problems are of below average intelligence.
• Over 40% considered seeking help for mental health problems is a sign of personal failure.
• Two-thirds expressed reluctance to hire someone with a history of mental illness, believing them to be unreliable.
• Over 30% admitted they would not willingly accept someone with a mental illness as a close friend.

Considering that there is a probability that some participants in the research wouldn't want to admit to having a negative view, it is quite possible the true levels of stigma could be much higher.

Gilligan goes on to discuss factors that go into creating (and maintaining) the stigma. These include human factors such as fear and a lack of understanding/knowledge. Then there is denial, both by the sufferer refusing to believe they could have a mental illness, and those who don't even believe there is such a thing as mental illness.

The Cost of Mental Health: More Than Money

Sunday September 2nd is Fathers Day here in Australia and, as normal for me around special occasions, it has had me thinking about what my mental health problems have cost me over the years. Not in terms of money, but in other ways. My conclusion: it has cost me plenty.

Dealing with mental health costs everyone financially; sufferers, families, friends & the entire community. But for those dealing with the illnesses it usually costs far more in the way of family, friends & living standards. So much of our lives can be affected both directly & indirectly by the illness and its treatments - and the stigma that surrounds it.

Left untreated, mental illness can make life hell for everyone around the sufferer. Even when you get a diagnosis it can be just as hard. A lot of times it's hard to get a correct diagnosis and then it is usually a lot of trial & error to find a treatment plan that works or helps the patient. It can take years to get things anywhere near right.

Dandelions and Bad Hair Days: Cover released.

Suzie Grogan, the driving force behind the upcoming release Dandelions and Bad Hair Days, has made public an image of the cover for the anthology. The cover artwork is by Ingrid Eva Creative and is a brilliant pictorial representation of the title.

The book is a collection of articles, stories & creative writing from sufferers of mental illness (including me!). Due out early October, all profits from the sale of Dandelions and Bad Hair Days will go to mental health charities such as SANE UK. A great book for a great cause.

Cheers

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Coming Soon: Dandelions & Bad Hair Days

Back in March I did a guest post for Suzie Grogan, the author of No more wriggling out of writing...... Well, while I've been lazy over the last few months, Suzie has been very busy. She has been putting together everything required for the upcoming release of Dandelions & Bad Hair Days, a collection of poetry & prose dealing with mental health.

The book will include a selection of the guest post articles from her website as well as other material contributed by some quite talented & creative people. She has even taken the time to get a new blog going about Dandelions & Bad Hair Days. So if you want to find out more about the book (due out in October I believe), head over to Dandelions and Bad Hair Days and see what the fuss is about.

The book has been endorsed by SANE UK, with the forward written by Chief Executive Marjorie Wallace. All profits from this book will go to SANE & other nominated charities. So check it out - just maybe you may end up indirectly helping someone you know.

Cheers 

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

A little bit up, a little bit down

Haven't really been writing much the last few weeks, probably because I have been having periods of feeling a little down & the energy/desire to write much has been seriously lacking. The past few weeks haven't been bad compared to the past but the lack of motivation & energy has been there. A lot of time all I've wanted to do is sleep with no drive to do anything else.

It hasn't been all bad, I've had periods where I've felt a little up, even if they are in the minority. The best thing about this, despite how up & down things have been, is that I feel that right now I can cope, rather than just giving in to the depression. It's a nice change from the past.

Going loony: the moon & mental illness

I frequently visit the forums at SANE UK and today there was a post about the moon. The original post was just a comment on how the moon looked but it wasn't long before the relationship between the moon & mental illness popped up. So the question is, does the moon have any effect on those with a mental illness?

The simple answer is no, there is no relationship at all. Hundreds of studies over the years have come up with absolutely no evidence that changes in moon phases has any effect on mental illness or any number of other issues like violence & the behavior of dogs.

Despite this, a study by the University of New Orleans has shown that up to 81% of mental health professionals believe there is a relationship between the moon & human behavior. Why, in the 21st century, would someone with years of training still accept a fallacy like this to be true?

More than words

An interesting article about how to approach mental illness in a relationship fro the Time to Change website.

When I met my boyfriend, I had been diagnosed with bipolar for about four years, and in that four years, I had refused to date or even get close to anyone. I initially saw my bipolar as a death sentence, something that would repel everyone around me. So when I met A online, I was initially scared to get close to him. Luckily, we had many many miles between us, so I felt safe that I could be open with him, and if he rejected me (like I knew he would), it wouldn't hurt as much. I showed him my blog that had been charting my life with bipolar. I told him how bad it could be. I warned him, in no uncertain terms, what I could be like when my synapses weren't firing correctly. And weirdly, he was okay. He didn't run away. He asked questions. He tried to understand. He told me he accepted me for who I was, bad and good.

Read the full post:

More than words: How to approach mental illness in a relationship - together.

 
The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Facebook: Is this any place for the not-so-self-assured to make friends?

From the Los Angeles Times:

Facebook, the social networking giant that connects 845 million people to one another, may be a jolly gabfest for the self-assured. But for those who suffer from low self-esteem, it appears to be a rather nasty trap, luring such people into self-disclosures that prompt many a Facebook friend to agree with their low opinion of themselves.

A new study, set to be published in the journal Psychological Science, explored the dynamics of friendship on Facebook to see what benefits or pitfalls the site might offer to a population that could use the propping up of a few new friends: those who think poorly of themselves, fear judgment by others and are prone to social isolation and depression.

Enlisting a slew of undergraduates for three separate studies, they found that those with low self-esteem are encouraged and emboldened by Facebook's capacity to provide a forum for social interaction that doesn't risk awkward face-to-face communication. They established that, given the opportunity for such social interaction, those with low-esteem do engage in the kind of self-disclosure that is thought essential for friendships to take hold and deepen.

Read the complete article online.

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Depression is an illness, not a life choice

Kim Lester from ABC Australia recently posted a story on The Drum about her own experiences with depression & suicidal thoughts. As I discussed in an earlier post, she found talking to someone about her problems helped a lot.

"On the few occasions that suicide is reported in the media - generally if the victim is famous or the act was committed in a particularly gruesome manner - there is one reaction that makes me want to scream.

"What a stupid thing to do."

Sure suicide is stupid, depression is stupid, and the public's understanding of mental illness is especially stupid. But a victim of suicide wasn't stupid, they just lost the battle.

No-one with a terminal illness would be called stupid for giving up the fight. For them it's a tough fight. They were brave to push on as long as they did. But depression is a private illness, the symptoms are mostly internal and many people don't like - or know how - to articulate it, so it's no wonder they don't understand why someone would take their own life.

I don't claim to know what goes through the mind of every person with a mental illness. I can only speak from my own experience, but that experience has given me an insight into why depression, if left untreated, can be fatal."

Read her complete story on The Drum website.

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Who You Are Makes A Difference

Added a new page to the blog: Who YOU Are Makes A Difference: Blue Ribbon

I'm passing my blue ribbon on to everyone who visits - check it out!

Cheers

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

SANE UK: Blue Mood Month

As part of its 25th anniversary, SANE UK has launched it's Black Dog Campaign to raise awareness of mental health issues during its Year of the Black Dog. To kick it off they announced Blue Mood Month where celebrities such as Stephen Fry were asked to contribute playlists 'of their favourite sad songs that make you happy'.

Sounds like a bit of a contradiction, sad songs making you happy, but I understand what they mean, at least to me anyway. When I get depressed I attach a lot of emotion to music and a good sad song can get me crying. But this is a release of emotional tension & stress for me and the end result is I can feel better after letting it out. And many songs can make you feel you're not alone, there are others out there who feel like you do - it's not the end of the world, it can get better.

Now, I am far from a celebrity so I will never be asked to contribute a list & can't access Spotify to add my list to their public ones. So I'll list mine here, with links to YouTube. So these are my 'sad songs that make me happy' in no particular order:

You'll Never Walk Alone - Jerry & The Pacemakers
Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.

Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues - Elton John

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me - George Michael & Elton John

Travelling Soldier - Dixie Chicks

Gravity - John Meyer

Never Gonna Be Alone - Nickelback

Key Largo - Bertie Higgins

True Colours - Cyndi Lauper

He Ain't Heavy - The Hollies

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

Lullaby - Nickelback

Every Rose Has A Thorn - Poison

Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

Yesterday - The Beatles

Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
The Living Years - Mike & The Mechanics

That will do for now - could list many more. Next time maybe I'll just do a list of 'good time songs' that can lift my emotions.

So what are your 'sad songs that make you happy'?


Cheers

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Finding An Outlet

Over the years, when I've been right down in the pit of my depression, I find myself with a need to write. It's an urge that just happens - I get an idea in my head, maybe a line or two, that just won't go away until I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Sometimes it's just those couple of lines that I'll write and maybe come back later to expand on, to make it something that may be worth reading. But most times I can't stop until I have a finished product.

I have no real control over what I write & never know what to expect. A number of years ago I was going through a really bad period around Christmas. One night I sat down & wrote a poem that left no doubt what my state of mind was - The Storm is a dark way to describe my depression. Yet the next night, Christmas Eve, when I think I was feeling worse, the need to write struck again.

The end result this time was Christmas Is, a poem with a religious message about how the meaning of Xmas is being lost in the modern day. It is a poem of hope, faith and love that in no way reflected how I was feeling at the time. And I am far from a religious person, only going to churches for weddings & funerals. It just shows how little control I have when the mood hits - instead of some bleak, depressing, suicidal prose I got this.

Over the years I've found that this writing is a release for me, a way of getting tangled emotions & thoughts out. It's a personal therapy. Even this particular post is, it's coming out the same way as my other writings - just something I have to write at this very moment. This is my release for today.

Now I'm trying to get in the habit of writing even when I'm not depressed or waiting until the 'have to do it' feeling hits. I have found it a great outlet for everything that I would normally keep bottled up inside which would just leads to me feeling worse & worse if I didn't get it out. It is simply a way to help me deal with the situation. And I do think it does help.

Do you have an outlet to help you? If you haven't, maybe finding what works for you will help through the roughest parts of life. For me it's writing, but everyone is different so finding what works for you is trial & error. For me it was easy really, I just had the feeling that I HAVE TO DO THIS! It gets in my mind and becomes a compulsion, an obsession.

There is so much out there that can be used as your outlet. You could paint, draw, exercise, write or any number of things. Be creative in what you look at, it could be something that even you don't understand properly. If you get a feeling that there is something you just feel the need to do then give it a try, expand on it. Let it grow & feed it if you find it helps.

Have you found an outlet for your emotions? What do you do? Let me know, maybe your ideas & suggestions will help others by giving them ideas to work on. Your suggestions & thoughts could do more than you think - they may just save a life.

You can find more of my writings - my outlet on My Scribd Page.

Until next time......

The information contained in blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

A goal of therapy.

After the previous post, I came across an article on the Counselling Connections site that deals with one of the goals of therapy. It discusses how it's in relationships that therapy is put to the test.

"To some extent individual therapy is about working out a hypothesis of our own inner life. It is in relationships outside of therapy where we put this to the test. Our work and love lives are the places where we try to put into practice what learn in our therapy. We work things out in the privacy of the therapy room and even test them out on the therapist. One aim of therapy then would be to try to work firstly on our relationship with our own self. This is done in the presence of and with an active relationship with the therapist. Good relations with the world may mean working things out on several levels including bringing meaning and purpose into our daily lives. Each of us has to work out these values for ourselves. This is a personal journey but not one which requires that we have to go it alone."

Read the full article here: A goal of therapy.

The information contained in blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.

Making Connections

Making connections with people, places & memories is an important part of anyone's life. But for a lot of people with mental illness making & maintaining these connections can be quite problematic. Being unable to attach emotions to places, events & people can at times be quite difficult.

It is one major problem for me, making long term connections to people in particular. Besides family, I have no-one I could call a long term friend. There is no-one in my life I have known for more than a couple of years, and almost all of them are just people I've met through relatives, only a couple I would consider to be really my friends.

It's been like that throughout my life. I have no old school friends, army buddies, workmates etc. The connections just aren't there. Unless someone is in my face on some sort of regular basis, they just fade away, often to be forgotten totally - people who at the time I would have considered great friends. Probably the only way I managed to stay with my ex for so long is because she was always 'there'.

The issue for me, besides having troubles getting out to meet people in the first place, seems to be the long periods where I am emotionally dead. An almost total lack of empathy with anything at all. A lot of time music, movies or a sad (usually true) story will produce an emotional response where I just have nothing when it's associated with someone I know. Added to this is the lack of emotional connections with almost everything, making it difficult for memories to take hold. A lot of my past is very hazy for me, or simply not there.

Of course, this type of thing creates problems of its own. You know how people EXPECT you to feel about someone or something but for some reason you just can't feel that way. So you fake it. And then you sit there wondering why? Why can't I be like others? Why don't I feel the way they do? Is there something wrong with me? etc. And this type of thinking can start you on a downward spiral into a period of depression.


I am yet to find a solution to dealing with this emotional black hole. It just seems like you're absorbing all the emotions and when you get down towards the lowest ebb of your cycle they rush back all at once. It can just be so overwhelming, making things seem so much darker than they should be.


Over the last 12 months or so I've been getting out trying to establish new connections, hoping to be able to build a few lasting ones. Changes to my medications have helped with that, allowing me to get out & interact more. It lets me keep people in my life, getting to know them & building the links needed to create lasting connections.


Will it work in the long term? I have no idea at all. There are still so many times I feel emotionally empty, looking at the world around me as if I'm not a part of it. But I also know from past experience the emotions will return, even if only for a little while at a time. The secret is not letting them carry me away when they do.


So how do you deal with connections to the past? Do you ever worry about them or have you developed a way to help create lasting attachments to people, places & events?


Cheers for now.

The information contained in blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.