A little bit up, a little bit down

Haven't really been writing much the last few weeks, probably because I have been having periods of feeling a little down & the energy/desire to write much has been seriously lacking. The past few weeks haven't been bad compared to the past but the lack of motivation & energy has been there. A lot of time all I've wanted to do is sleep with no drive to do anything else.

It hasn't been all bad, I've had periods where I've felt a little up, even if they are in the minority. The best thing about this, despite how up & down things have been, is that I feel that right now I can cope, rather than just giving in to the depression. It's a nice change from the past.

On area I'm having a little problem with occasionally is people who have known me less than 12 months or so. They never knew me through the darkest times so I feel they expect more from me, more than I feel I can give right now. It's even worse if it's someone important in your life.

I think of myself as being much more open & approachable now, but it appears that others don't think so. I know I'm more communicative and I'm surprised to have people say I don't talk to them, and I just don't know how to deal with it. They never saw the times when even being in the same house as someone else was an issue, let alone actually talking to someone about anything, much less my mental health problems.

People from my past see the difference easily, they spent so long with me not being 'there' and appreciate the changes. But how do I deal with those that weren't there before - how can I get them to understand that I am talking to them in ways I haven't talked to others for years and that if I seem closed it's nothing to do with them. It's only that I'm not used to talking more. I thought I was doing really well, but others seem to expect more, an expectation I just can't live up to right now.

Have you had people who have only really seen you when things are going good? How do you cope with them? If you're feeling a little down, how do you deal with them expecting more? Are these people just acquaintances or important people in your life? How can I make these people see that I am trying to be there with them? I'm open to any suggestions at all.

Take care

Mark

The information contained in this blog can not be considered medical advice. These are only my own thoughts, feelings & ideas. If you or someone you know are having problems with mental illness please seek qualified medical advice.